The Importance of Having Children and Why I Changed my Mind

This week we’ve been talking a lot about recent marriage and family trends. Trends
including getting married later, more people living alone, and women having less and
less kids. The most impact to me is women are having less kids. That is not to say they
all aren’t impactful and super important things to note and think about.

The trend about women having less kids is very interesting to me specifically because
for a really long time I have been pretty adamant about not wanting kids. At all. And then
in recent years only wanting (maybe) at least 2. One day when I was babysitting as a
young teenager something in me realized “Man this is really hard” And as a young
teenager I was already feeling a bunch of inferiority issues and anxiety from unrelated
sources. I suddenly started thinking things like “motherhood?! Are you kidding me?
I can’t even raise my hand in class without having a mini panic-attack. Yah no thank
you.” and “How can I raise little kids when I can’t even cook for myself?” Just dumb
things like that. This mindset turned into a very stubborn opinion that turned into a
pretty permanent choice. At least that's what it felt like for me. Recently i’ve been
feeling my heart slowly soften with certain moments and movies that make me
reconsider. The dialogue that was opened today in class is what really changed my
mind.

The big reason of what made me understand? We talked about siblings. The impact
siblings have on our development growing up. How important it is to have a sister
and what sisters can provide to you. How important it is to have a brother and what
brothers can provide to you. Its honestly amazing. I am the youngest of 4 kids.
I have two older brothers and an older sister. Maybe me being the youngest made
it harder for me to come to terms with the fact that being a mother is important
because I never really had to take care of any younger humans unless you count
myself. It's hard to think about where I would be had I grown up without them. I’ve
heard from several different accounts that the sibling bond is one of if not the deepest
bond we can have. Siblings know us and we know them far better than anyone else
we come into contact with. Even future spouses.

In class today we talked about the differences between how sisters and brothers
affect us growing up. It was super interesting to hear the many perspectives in the
class and how different family dynamics create different situations. Generally
speaking growing up with a sister(s) is very beneficial to our growth. Sisters
younger or older tend to act like “second” moms to other siblings. Females in general,
when communicating, are trying to find connections and bring out the softer emotions
that may be being felt by other parties. It makes sense that a sister could be the
reason for a grown mans bigger emotional capacity. Or why it's easier for men to
connect emotionally to women in romantic relationships and not to men in platonic
relationships. Having a sister can help your development without them or you even
noticing.

The same goes for brothers. In class we talked about how some girls without a
strong paternal role in their lives look to their brothers to fill it. Girls generally
want/need attention and if they aren’t getting that at home they might be more likely
to turn to dangerous behaviors like sexual promiscuity. Brothers provide a way to
avoid that. Or at the very least provides a stronger defense for the likelihood of that
happening. We all want to feel safe. Growing up we usually feel that safeness from
our father and brothers can add to our overall feeling of safety. Even if sometimes all
you would really like to do is wring their necks.

Hearing this discussion about siblings and thinking about my own siblings really
struck a chord in me. Why would I want to bring a child into this world without also
providing the amazing, fun, sometimes really frustrating memories that come with
having siblings. Sibling relationships are so important in my life. They bring me so
much joy. So much pain. So much happy frustration. I wouldn’t want to live my life
without it. I certainly don’t want my future kids to live without it either.